Three Things You Worry About (And How to Stop)
Lately, I've been finding myself quite preoccupied with the weather. I long for sunny days and feel disappointed and grumpy each time it pours. This got me reflecting on other things I fret about and expend a lot of energy on, despite having no control over them.
The Weather
As mentioned, I've been particularly concerned about the weather lately. I have a magnolia tree in my garden. Last year, the buds froze, and no flowers bloomed. I fretted over the possibility of another freeze when the buds reappeared. Luckily, that didn't happen, and the magnolia blossomed beautifully this year. People often worry about the weather, especially for significant events like weddings or vacations. You hope for sunny days and feel disappointed when it rains. These concerns can lead to stress and disappointment, yet the weather remains beyond our control. Whether it's for a vacation, wedding, or just a cozy weekend with the family, we often hope for good weather. But the time spent worrying about it is utterly wasted energy. We have no control over the weather. We make a plan A for sunny days and a plan B for rainy ones, and that's it. By stressing over the weather, we squander precious energy that could be better spent on things within our control.
Waiting Times and Delays
Waiting can be a source of frustration for me, especially when punctuality is crucial. I commute from outside my hometown and often encounter traffic jams both on the way there and back. Or if I decide to take an alternate route, it slows down because of a tractor ahead. Recently, I even had to wait for cows crossing the road. It's during these times that I get anxious and irritable. And does it help? Does it make things go faster? No, I waste precious energy, and my mood turns negative. When I arrive at work, I feel as though I've already been there a whole day, or when I get home, I'm in a negative mood, setting a gloomy tone for the rest of the evening with my family. I get stuck in the "rush mode," which my children then respond to.
Sound familiar? Or do you find waiting in line at the store or public transportation delays more bothersome? All these situations are beyond our control, and it's wasted energy to fret over them.
News Headlines and Media
The news and media can be constant sources of worry and anxiety, particularly with negative coverage of global events, politics, or the economy. We have no control over the content of the news, yet we often spend a lot of time and energy fretting over it. This can lead to anxiety, stress, and a negative mindset, which can impact our overall well-being.
You can choose to stop following the news altogether, but you can also choose to work on yourself so that you're less affected by all the above.
Enter the circle of influence:
The "Circle of Influence" is a concept popularized by Stephen Covey in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People." The idea is that there are things we have control over (our "circle of influence") and things we don't (our "circle of concern"). It's crucial to understand where our influence lies so that we can effectively allocate our energy.
Circle of Influence: This includes things we have direct control over, such as our attitude, behavior, reactions, choices, and actions. Scientific research supports the idea that developing an internal locus of control (the belief that we control our own lives) is linked to better emotional well-being and resilience. People who believe they have influence over their circumstances are often better able to manage stress and effectively deal with challenges.
Circle of Concern: This encompasses things we don't have direct control over, such as others' behavior, external circumstances, global events, etc. Research shows that too much focus on things outside our control can lead to feelings of helplessness, stress, and anxiety. It's essential to recognize that we can't control everything and to focus our energy on things we can influence.
By being aware of the circle of influence, you can learn to direct your attention to things you can actually change while learning to accept what's beyond your control. This leads to a sense of empowerment, resilience, and well-being.
So, when we look at the three things I worry about, I realize I have no control over the weather. I dress for the rain and walk through it with a smile (putting on a smile and maintaining it quickly makes you feel happy). In the car, I put on a fun podcast and almost hope for traffic so I can finish it, and I choose which news articles to read, considering what lies within my circle of influence and what doesn't. It remains important.
What do you take away from this blog? Can you relate to the worries we all have from time to time? Let's strive for a life where we focus our energy on what truly matters and what we can influence. Stop worrying and embrace the power of the circle of influence.